Are you trying to find yourself?
That was my goal for this year. I spent all of last year struggling with my health, and I knew I needed to change. On top of those challenges, I was becoming lost in my struggles.
Have you ever had that happen to you? Maybe you’re experiencing that now. You struggle with relationships, or health, or work, and you forget who you really are.
“It is one thing to lose people you love. It is another to lose yourself. That is a greater loss.” ― Donna Goddard, Waldmeer
I wanted to share some super helpful tips for rediscovering you when it seems like a lost cause. I hope they inspire you to appreciate yourself a little more.
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Also, I am not a doctor or mental health professional. Just someone who has lived with anxiety for many years who is passionate about sharing her experiences and tips for success. If you are in crisis call your doctor, then click here for some good mental health resources.
Who are you?
I’m someone who lives with bipolar disorder, fatigue, and anxiety. Do you see how it’s kind of easy to get swallowed up by that? It becomes your identity. It becomes everything about who you are.
You begin to live every day with each symptom acting as a stepping stone to the next. They become how you keep time, living one panic attack at a time. One freak out at a time. You lose awareness of the hour of the day, and the day of the week.
Thoughts of your illness consume you. Instead of feeding your soul, you feed your disease. You give it what it wants so that you can have a moment’s peace, without stopping to think about what it is you truly need.
Is this really benefiting you? Is making your mental health issue your identity serving you in any way?
Sometimes mental health labels bring us comfort. It helps us make sense of the things we’re going through. But they aren’t who we are, and we are doing ourselves a disservice if we forget that.
Getting past an identity process is possible
It really is possible to figure out who you are in the midst of a mental health crisis. Not only is it possible, but it’s absolutely critical. It’s the best action step we can take for becoming stable and productive and happy again.
How do you do it?
Check out these key pieces of advice for figuring out who the heck you even are anymore. They’ve helped me, and they can help you too.
Start a journal
The best place to start is to adopt the daily habit of writing in a journal. (internal link) If you think you will forget, set a reminder on your phone. That’s what I do, because I tend to be scatter-brained with things like that. (Thanks, depression!)
Not sure what to write about? You can start as simple as you want. Here is how I got started again with journaling, and it only takes about 5 minutes a day.
Every night, I end the day by writing 3 things I am grateful for. I try to think a bit deeper than “I’m grateful for food and oxygen.” Obviously. I shoot for something more along the lines of “Today, I’m grateful that my husband stepped up and took the kids for a bit so I could rest.” Being as specific as possible really helps you connect with yourself and your gratitude.
Then, I write down an intention for the following day. Something like, “Tomorrow, I will work hard to be playful with my kids, and enjoy the chaos.”
Finally, I jot down a couple positive affirmations. These can be about anything that you might need to hear. If you are unfamiliar with the benefits of positive affirmations (internal link), check out this linked blog post.
If you want to really get creative, here is a free PDF that you can use to get your brain cranking.
Get started with a gratitude journal here: Good Days Start With Gratitude: A 52 Week Guide To Cultivate An Attitude Of Gratitude: Gratitude Journal
Look back at old photos
I think taking a trip down memory lane can have really positive benefits for you. You can reminisce about times when you felt happier and more positive. You can see moments in time when you were surrounded by laughter and unburdened by depression and anxiety?
Why is this a good idea?
I think this can help for a few reasons. First of all, I’m not a doctor, but I’m sure looking at these images release some feel good chemicals in our brain when we look at them. It can also serve as a reminder that we’ve done it before. We’ve been well. We’ve laughed. Smiled. Hugged. Kissed. And if we’ve done it before, we can do it again. It no longer seems impossible, because we see it right in front of us.
Ask a loved one
This is another really great step toward figuring our who you are: Ask for feedback! Talk to someone who really truly loves you- whether it be a spouse, parent, sibling, or even your child- and ask them the following questions:
- What am I really good at?
- What do you like the best about me?
- Is there anything I could stand to work on?
- What memory of us makes you the happiest?
I guarantee their responses will make you feel more centered and at peace. They might even bring a smile to your face! And you do not have to “believe them” right away. These things take time. But if you write them down and reference them often, they will feel truer over time.
Work on your negative thinking
Negative thought patterns tend to plague those of use who live with depression and anxiety, and they need to be corrected. If not, you are doomed to a life of feeling sorry for yourself, and not loving who you are. It’s not an easy task, but the concept is simple. Learn to challenge negative thoughts with positive ones, and sift through the garbage in your mind.
How are you supposed to find your identity if all you do is sit and think about what a shitty person you are? How are you ever supposed to find “the real you”?
This book really helped me deal with some of my negative thinking, so check it out here: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)
Who are you really?
Who are you on the inside? Are you a depressed shell of a person? Or does something else sit below the surface?
Are you empathetic? Kind? Smart? Good at technology? Crafty? A pop culture expert? A good spouse? Awesome at baking?
Tell me all about you in the comments below (positive qualities only!) And please, share this post if you found it helpful.
Find yourself, and find some inner peace.
Related posts for finding your identity:
Tips for Anxiety: 9 Simple Ways to Find Hope in a Mental Health Crisis
Reading and mental health: 5 ways that diving into a book can dig you out of depression
Taking Control of Your Health: Only YOU Can Make You Better
Journaling is key to staying grounded and keeping sane in the midst of change and uncertainty. Great tips!!
Hey Rosemary, it is one of the best mental health tools available. Thanks for reading!
I’m an empath. It is hard being an empath because I always want to see the good in people even though they might not be good for me. This is one thing I have learned since I divorced my ex. I’m still learning.
Also, looking back towards the end of the relationship, I realized that my ex was slowly killing me. I wasn’t in a position to escape and was stuck in a toxic situation. I’ve suffered from depression most of my adult life but this depression was very dark. I was living in survival mode. I’m thankful that I am out of the toxic marriage and moving forward. I’ve accomplished a bunch of things since the spilt and it feels amazing,
Hey there, I’m glad you are in a better situation now. That sounds terrible! Being an empath is unbelievably hard, especially these days. Hang in there and keep taking care of yourself. Thanks for reading!
Journaling is so beneficial, that’s why I always convinced my friend of mine to do so.
Hey Nikki, it really is. That’s great that you encouraged your friend to try it. Thanks for reading!
Tackling mental health is such an important topic these days. Thanks so much for sharing this post.
Hey Tirralan, you are very welcome! Thanks for reading!
It’s so important to know who you are and what you want. It make things easier.
Hey Catalina, for sure! Thanks for reading!
I can relate to this. When I had kids, I became a mom. But even now, it’s being a mom 24 hours on the clock — those are the tough days when there’s nothing left of myself. Sometimes I think about how I don’t even know what I like any more. I don’t have hobbies or time to read.. I’m not the person I was just because we are so busy. I love being a mom but life is also too busy.
Hey Marysa, I can relate! It’s hard especially when they’re little and demand so much of you. Hopefully you are able to rediscover some ways to connect with yourself. Thanks for reading!
I have always been a positive thinker. Even after I lost my first husband. I believe everything happens for a reason.
Hey Lynndee, I am so sorry for your loss. But I’m glad you are able to find meaning in challenging times. That’s a great skill! Thanks for reading!
You’ve got some wonderful tips here. I know some who have gone through this. It can be pretty tough too. I’m glad you were able to share this post with everyone.
Hey Kathy, I’m glad you liked it. Hopefully a lot of people find the tips helpful. Thanks for reading!
Journal is a great companion specially when you need to vent things out. I’m a journal user too and this helps me alot to many things. I agree with those suggestions about the journal self identity.
Hey Ruth, that’s great that you’ve found journaling to be such a good tool! Keep it up, and thanks for reading!
Journaling really helps a lot in everything and I am pretty sure these tips will help those people who are suffering this kind of condition.
Hey Gervin, journaling is great for everyone! Thanks for reading 🙂
So much to process here! I love journaling, reading, meditating, and so many countless things! I need to learn to focus!
Hey Terri, glad you got a lot out of the post. Thanks for reading!
I have a friend that experienced trauma after trauma. It’s unfortuante that so many people associate her with these traumas. Almost as if she’s not really herself without them.
Hey Monica, that’s so sad. Hopefully she is doing okay, and getting the help she needs. Thanks for reading!
This was a fantastic read! I think we all go through at least one identity crisis in our lives. Sometimes, we go through more than one.
Hey Claudia, for sure! It’s more common than people think. Thanks for reading!
This was a really important read for me. I’ve been dealing with a bit of an identity crisis lately, and it’s been really hard.
Hey Ben, I believe it, in the weird times we’re in. Kind of easy to question everything right now. Hang in there! Thanks for reading 🙂
I went through this after I quit my teaching career to stay home with my son. Having an identity crisis can really sneak up on you. It took me a year to rediscover myself.
Hey Melissa, I can see that! Becoming a SAHM threw me for a loop too, and sometimes still does. Being in mom mode 24/7 is tough. Take care, and thanks for reading!
As someone with BPD I have no idea who I am a lot of the time, I just seem to suck up the personalities of those around me and I wish I knew more about who I was.
Hey Sarah, BPD always sounds so tough. I feel that way as an empath at times, because I spend so much time absorbing people’s emotions. Hang in there, and thanks for reading!
This is absolutely true! I think this can help us to find more time to ourself especially in our busy world. Thanks for sharing with us your knowledge.
Hey Maricar, no problem. Thanks for problem!
Since my kids have gotten older it’s much easier to rediscover who I am and find things I enjoy doing!
Hey Pam, you’re probably right, it’s harder when kids are small. I’m glad you’ve been able to get some of YOU back. Thanks for reading!
Journaling has been my thing for the last two years. It keeps me grounded, self-aware, and able to reflect on my past thinking/actions.
That’s great! Keep up the hard work, and take care. Thanks for reading!
After reading it, I realized what should I want to do before what I want to do now?? Maybe a lot of changes or some I didn’t do or I did. It’s so fun to know what is you point of view as of now and comparing it before. Thanks for the tips that make me thinking now.
I’m glad it gave you something to think about! Good luck on your journey, and thanks for reading!
In today’s world everybody is going through difficulties find positiveness in us is only hope. Thanks for sharing this positive printable. We need to find out who we are.
I totally agree! We’ll only get through this if we focus on what we can change, and look toward the future. Thanks for reading!
I definitely want to start doing daily affirmations. I need to get in the habit of setting the tone for the day!
They really help! But you have to stick to it, not just try it once. Good Luck 🙂
Journaling to me is like a blog. Helped me find myself, sharing what I enjoy and love.
Definitely! Having a blog about my journey has been very helpful in my healing journey. Glad it helps you too. Thanks for reading!
I like the idea of journaling but never seem to put it into practice. I think I should really start. I also like your tip about looking back at old pictures.
It’s worth a shot, I think! Let me know how it goes. Thanks for reading!
Hi Jen!
I always underrated journaling and I stopped with ‘my dear diary’ when I was at the end of primary school! I may definitely start writing my owe thoughts as I tend to forget the good things that happen in my life and I feel rather blueish.
Thank you for the great tips!
xoxo
I was the same way for a long time. It seemed “silly” to me I guess, until I did a bunch of reading about the benefits. Worth a shot! Thanks for reading. Take care!
Journaling is such a great tool. Those prompts are really helpful, especially when you’re trying to accomplish something like finding your true self.
Thanks! I’m glad you found them helpful. I appreciate the feedback.
Taking Journal is very effective especially in knowing yourself. 🙂
It really is! Thanks for checking out the post 🙂
Do we ever really know who we are? I think we are constantly evolving so sometimes it makes it hard to answer the question.
Very true! That is a good point to make. We all keep changing as the years pass… Thanks for reading!
These are such great tips for such a sensitive topic!
Thanks! Feel free to share 🙂
I love that you set an alarm because I always forget too. These are some really great tips.
It’s so hard to keep track of things if I don’t! Darn brain fog. Thanks for reading!
Identity can be something people struggle with often. I can’t even imagine dealing with this while having challenges such as bipolar disorder. Great tips on how to find yourself.
It’s hard, that’s for sure! Thanks for reading as always.
Thanks for sharing. I’m currently mentoring a girl that is trying to find her true identity after a difficult childhood experience. She has just started to keep a journal as she keeps a lot inside, and the journal helps her to open up more.
Journals are really more beneficial than people think! I hope she is able to make progress. Thanks for reading!
I really enjoy reading this post. It’s so easy to lose yourself.
It really is! Especially these days. Thanks for reading!
Loved this post! As my world gets bigger, I find it easier to lose myself in it. These are really helpful tips.
Thank you so much! Hopefully the tips make a difference for you!
Challenging any negative thoughts has been key for me. Thanks for sharing these tips and your experience!
You’re welcome! I’m glad you found it helpful. Thank you for reading!
Identity can be a challenge for everyone – and when you add in the mental health concerns, it just blossoms into something so much bigger! It’s easy to lose your way and forget who “you” are. Your suggestions are really great – I especially liked the idea of going through old photographs. Well done, thank you!
Thank you! I appreciate it.
This was a lovely post to read! I struggle with accepting myself. It is hard to believe others on how they see me but I am working on the negatives and learning to accept myself for who I am. Thank you for sharing!
Em x
https://loveemblog.blogspot.com/2020/05/7-things-all-new-bloggers-will.html
You’re very welcome! I’m sorry you’re struggling. I hope some of the tips help. Thanks for reading!
I struggle with my identity – it’s not that I don’t have one, I do. But I can also absorb that of others if I am around them too much which is a pain, it is something I am trying to become more conscious of.
I am the same way! Empathy can be really challenging. At least you’re aware it’s an issue! Thanks for reading 🙂
This is such a well written post. I love the tactic of writing down three things to be grateful for followed by an intention the following day. They seem to feed into each other well. You’ve also linked to some great resources! I too enjoy looking back at old photos. It really helps you to remember who you are now in relation to the photo.
Thank you! I appreciate that! I’m so glad you found it helpful. Feel free to share.
Wow what an amazing read! There’s a lot of great tips in here. I think this brings a lot of value and insight… I love the journal prompts too! My fav part is asking a loved one, sometimes when we are stuck in our own heads we need an outside source!
That’s definitely helped! We can’t always see it, and need an outsiders perspective. Thanks for reading!
I’m finding it very hard to separate the eating disorder from me at this point in my life. I know I am not my illnesses but when you’ve lived within them for so long, it can be hard to let go.
But like a toxic relationship, I have to at some point.
I hear ya. From the way you describe it, it’s all consuming. Sending hugs and tots and pears that it gets easier as the years pass. Hang in there, friend!
No ID crisis here. THANKFULLY. I definitely feel sorry for those who are dealing with it though. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like not really knowing WHO I am!
It’s tough, that’s for sure. I’m glad you don’t face this issue! Thanks for reading!
As I get older, I am realizing how I am more and more. I didn’t really know when I was younger.
That’s good! I’m glad you’ve got a good sense of self. Thanks for reading!
What a great idea to list positive qualities like that. I’m good at baking.
I wish I enjoyed baking more. I’m not bad at it, per se, I just hate the kitchen lol. I envy those that are passionate about it! Thanks for reading!
I was in a relationship with someone with bi-polar disorder. It was a difficult experience, hope he is doing well now.
It is challenging! I know my spouse is often frustrated, and it takes a lot of patience. Thanks for reading!
In today’s busy world it’s so easy to lose yourself in it. Great tips for finding yourself and getting grounded again!
That is very true. Thanks for reading! I appreciate it!